Study Reveals Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are: A Satirical Ode from The Onion

Mia Nightshade

Updated Tuesday, June 25, 2024 at 12:00 AM CDT

In a delightful yet cautionary piece from The Onion, a satirical news website renowned for its humorous takes on current events, a rather intriguing image has surfaced and captured the attention of many. The image, a faux news clipping, bears the bold headline: "Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are."

The image depicts a man, seemingly emboldened by liquid courage, crouching dangerously close to an alligator with its mouth agape. The background, rich with swampy vegetation, sets the stage for this humorous yet perilous encounter. The snapshot is a playful nod to the often foolhardy antics of those under the influence, especially in regions like Florida where such wildlife encounters are not uncommon.

Reddit users quickly chimed in, sharing their own humorous takes and personal anecdotes. One user humorously noted, "In 10 out of 10 documented cases of violent alligator–drunkard encounters, the reptile was not influenced by the fact that the victim was ‘just kidding’ or ‘just having some fun.’" Another added, "When placed in water, the drunken volunteers fared even worse, and the alligator markedly better."

Some comments took a more nostalgic turn, with users reminiscing about similar humorous memorabilia. "I have a similar one given to me by my mother, it shows a picture of a cat sitting next to its s*** and it says 'free thinking cat s***s outside the box,'" shared a user, bringing a chuckle to the conversation.

Others pointed out the regional specifics, noting, "As a Floridian, it's more so crocodiles you have to worry about. It's uncommon for gators to attack humans unprovoked, but crocodiles are much more aggressive. And also a hell of a lot bigger."

The conversation even delved into the scientific realm, with one user jesting, "I feel like there's gotta be a strong correlation between BAC and mortality rates to gators though," highlighting the dangerous mix of alcohol and wildlife.

This image and its accompanying commentary serve as a humorous reminder of the perils of mixing alcohol with risky behavior. While the image from The Onion is satirical, it underscores an important message: respect wildlife and avoid dangerous antics, especially when under the influence.

For those who appreciate a good laugh and a touch of satire, this image from The Onion is a perfect example of how humor can be used to highlight important safety messages.

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View source: Reddit

Top Comments from Reddit

kenistod

“In 10 out of 10 documented cases of violent alligator–drunkard encounters, the reptile was not influenced by the fact that the victim was ‘just kidding’ or ‘just having some fun. When placed in water, the drunken volunteers fared even worse, and the alligator markedly better. Instead of baiting an alligator, seek another form of drunken recreation, such as attending a strip club, burning a pile of tires, or painting one’s buttocks with a funny face and videotaping it." [Sauce](https://www.theonion.com/study-alligators-dangerous-no-matter-how-drunk-you-are-1819568448)

theDEVIN8310

I have a similar one given to me by my mother, it shows a picture of a cat sitting next to it's s*** and it says "free thinking cat s***s outside the box"

Prin_StropInAh

Classic

Flashy_Narwhal9362

I still say that all of the data in that study is biased against drunk people.

k6bso

Just forwarded that to my brother who lives in Florida.

Pyrite13

But what if the gator is drunk?

LostOldAccountAgain1

As a Floridian, it's moreso crocodiles you have to worry about. It's uncommon for gators to attack humans unprovoked, but crocodiles are much more agressive. And also a hell of a lot bigger. Edit: Unless your drunk and so stupid s***. Obviously don't provoke the f***ing apex predator you idiot.

BobbyElBuilder

I feel like there's gotta be a strong correlation between BAC and mortality rates to gators though

FreneticPlatypus

You gotta come at ‘im like anotha ped’tah, so he *respecs* you.

tonischurz

but how about five drunk?

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