Why Waiting 7 Years to Marry Might Be Overrated

The Myth of the Seven-Year Dating Rule

The belief that couples need to date for about seven years, mostly living together, before deciding to marry is considered ridiculous by some. This notion assumes that an extended period of cohabitation is necessary to uncover hidden qualities in a partner, such as being a bit messy or rolling around in their sleep. However, these small quirks are often less of a deal-breaker than people anticipate.

Many people don't prioritize marriage while dating; they focus on having a good time and only consider marriage after a few years if they haven't broken up. Historically, the approach to dating with marriage in mind is a more recent development. In the past, societal norms and family expectations often led to quicker engagements and marriages.

Determining Compatibility

Determining if someone is marriageable primarily involves physical attraction and similar values. Physical attraction is typically assessed within a minute and is a prerequisite for dating. Spending the majority of free time with someone for months helps reveal their true character, making it difficult for them to hide fundamental aspects of their personality.

It is rare for adults to change their fundamental character traits later in life. Making a real effort to understand a person can reveal their true nature within a few months to a year. People who take nearly a decade to decide on marriage may be afraid of commitment, lack a marriage-focused dating mindset, or simply don't care much.

The Benefits of Quick Decisions

Rushing into marriage isn't always a bad decision, and deciding quickly isn't necessarily stupid or impossible. A user shared that they moved in with their husband a month after meeting and got married six months later, now being together for 15 years. This suggests that quick decisions, when based on genuine compatibility, can lead to long-lasting relationships.

Some couples date for a long time due to being unready, such as needing financial independence or completing education. However, the idea that quick decisions in relationships are always bad is challenged by the notion that if two people are genuinely compatible, they don't need years to figure it out.

The Impact of Modern Dating

Dating apps and online interactions may contribute to people becoming more narcissistic and insecure, affecting their dating decisions. These platforms can accelerate the dating process by encouraging decisions based on checklists and profile photos. This shift in dating culture could explain why some people feel the need to date for extended periods before committing.

One user shared their story of becoming friends with their future wife, talking on the phone, and getting married within the same year, now being married for almost 28 years. This highlights that genuine connections can be quickly recognized and acted upon.

Reevaluating the Timeline

The idea that couples need to date for seven years before marriage is increasingly being questioned. One user believes that seven years is too long to date before marriage, suggesting two to three years as a reasonable timeframe unless specific reasons like education or military service require waiting. Another user mentioned that they and their fiancée quickly realized they were right for each other, indicating that sometimes people just know early on.

Ultimately, the decision to marry should be based on genuine compatibility and mutual understanding rather than an arbitrary timeline. If two people are genuinely compatible, they don't need years to figure it out. This perspective challenges the traditional belief that an extended dating period is necessary for a successful marriage.