Why 'How Are You?' Isn't Cutting It: The Art of Engaging Openers on Dating Apps

The Problem with Generic Openers

Many women find the typical dating app opener of "Hey, how are you?" or "What are you up to?" to be boring and unoriginal. The alternative of using corny pickup lines or cheesy jokes is often seen as worse and likely to fail. So, what's the issue with starting a conversation this way?

Starting a conversation with "Hey, how are you?" opens the floor for the other person to share something about themselves, their day, or their interests. The initial question allows for a meaningful and unique connection to be made. However, some women feel frustrated when they respond elaborately to the question, but the guy fails to continue the conversation.

Standing Out in a Sea of Matches

Women receive a lot of matches on dating apps and may only engage with those who start with more interesting openers. "How are you?" is seen as a useless question in this context because it's asked by a person you don't know. Responding with "good" feels mechanical and uninteresting, while giving a real answer risks being off-putting to someone who knows nothing about you.

Opening with a question like "How are you?" is akin to asking a barista or coworker you're not friends with. It's important to add something that actually sparks a conversation and allows the other person to give a more meaningful response. The dynamic on dating apps is different, with women often receiving more messages and men struggling to get responses. While "How are you?" may be acceptable, men need to stand out and be more than their competition to attract a date.

The Power of Originality

Women find it tedious to hear the same sentence repeatedly and prefer more original and engaging conversation starters. "How are you?" works better when you know the person well or can ask about their feelings. Using a more specific opener, such as mentioning the weather or a shared interest, can lead to a more meaningful conversation. The repetition of generic openers can feel like going over the same conversations over and over again.

The experience is similar to working at a service desk where you have to be more original and engaging to stand out. "How are you feeling?" can be a better alternative to "How are you?" when you know the person better. The context and level of familiarity play a role in the effectiveness of using "How are you?" as an opener.

Making Meaningful Connections

Being more original and thoughtful in starting conversations on dating apps can lead to better connections and more engaging interactions. Instead of relying on generic openers, take the time to craft an opener that shows genuine interest in the other person and sparks their curiosity. By standing out from the crowd, you increase your chances of making a lasting impression and creating a meaningful connection.

So, the next time you're about to type "Hey, how are you?" as your dating app opener, think twice. Take a moment to come up with a more engaging and unique conversation starter. Remember, the art of starting a conversation is about making the other person feel special and valued right from the start.