The True Meaning of Being the Bigger Person

Understanding the Phrase "Be the Bigger Person"

The phrase "be the bigger person" is often used to avoid conflict and can sometimes enable cowardly behavior. While it is generally intended to promote peace and maturity, its misuse can lead to a failure in standing up for one's beliefs or confronting bullies. This concept needs to be understood in depth to avoid its potential pitfalls.

For instance, consider a situation where a group of people cut in line and justified their actions by claiming they thought the line started there. This led to an argument, but friends advised the original person to "be the bigger person" and not argue with the line-cutters. Such advice, while seemingly mature, can sometimes allow unfair behavior to go unchecked.

When "Being the Bigger Person" Is Misused

At work, the misuse of this phrase can be particularly damaging. Imagine a scenario where a manager takes credit for a project that was primarily completed by another employee. When a coworker advises the original employee to let it go, it not only undermines their hard work but also perpetuates a toxic work environment.

Similarly, in a pickleball game, if the opposing team cheats by falsely calling a foul and the original player's teammate suggests letting it go, it can encourage dishonest behavior. The original person believes that letting such actions slide allows bullies to continue their behavior, which is contrary to the true essence of being the bigger person.

Taking Mature Actions

"Being the bigger person" does not mean accepting bad behavior but rather not retaliating in the same manner. It involves taking mature actions, such as contacting someone in charge or addressing the issue calmly. In the workplace, this can mean informing higher-ups about the manager's behavior to get rightful recognition.

During a game, addressing cheating should be done without pointless arguments. The concept involves knowing which battles are worth fighting and which are not. Minor inconveniences like someone cutting in line may not be worth the confrontation, but more serious issues need to be addressed appropriately.

When to Stand Up

Serious issues like racism, sexism, or homophobia are worth addressing due to their significant societal impact. Sportsmanship is important in athletics, and complaining about calls can make a team look bad. However, addressing genuine unfairness in a calm and composed manner is essential.

Some people may perceive minor issues as major problems, potentially creating conflict where there is none. There is value in maintaining self-control and not letting others' bad behavior affect you. Misunderstandings or minor issues, like standing in line, may not be worth the emotional investment.

Maintaining Self-Control

It's common for bosses to take credit, and finding a way to inform higher-ups about one's contributions is a mature response. Personal reactions are within one's control, and blaming others for one's lack of self-control is seen as cowardly.

In essence, being the bigger person involves a balance between standing up for oneself and not stooping to the level of those who engage in unfair or dishonest behavior. It requires discernment to know when to address an issue and when to let it go, ensuring that one's actions are both mature and just.